When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize