My nipple is on Facebook.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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