he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
