just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
