So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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