The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
is that a dick in a sweater?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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