I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
