It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
