My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
