so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
