I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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