Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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