If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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