I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
