I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
