I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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