If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize