come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
