And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
