you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
