the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize