I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
