So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
