U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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