i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
