Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
