You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my fart just growled at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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