you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
