Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
