she woke up with a sticky ear
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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