I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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