plz talk dirty to me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
