too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
