Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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