He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
