Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His nipple licking is glorious
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