Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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