So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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