I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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