just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
