so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize