i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blood and glitter go together right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
