I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
operation have a gay friend backfired
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk is not a location!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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