im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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