I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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