More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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