Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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