I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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