If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
