In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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