you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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