She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
