I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
