so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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