Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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