fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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