You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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