Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
