she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
