so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
