All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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