I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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