she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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