i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
