I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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