her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
