I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
