it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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