There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
