Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
