I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
