I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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