Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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