My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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