Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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