Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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