hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
