I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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