Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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