Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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