i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
