It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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