you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
