So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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