Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
