Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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