i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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