It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
