You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
