Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There was a lot of him and a little penis
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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