He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
