LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
