I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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