I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
