I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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