I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
