So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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